


I just want you to know who I am

by vogue91



Series: Yakuza!Verse [2]
Category: Hey! Say! JUMP, Johnny's Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe - Yakuza, Established Relationship, Jealousy, M/M, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-17
Updated: 2018-10-17
Packaged: 2019-08-03 13:23:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16327073
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vogue91/pseuds/vogue91
Summary: “You think I'm stupid, don’t you?” Yuri murmured, letting the elder caress him, relishing his touch.“No.” Yuya replied, then he chuckled. “I think you’re jealous. And it strikes my ego.”





	I just want you to know who I am

**Author's Note:**

> Story is a spin off of this: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16326638/chapters/38193899  
> For all the various spin offs and explanations, here's the link: http://vogue91.blogspot.com/2018/10/takachii-yakuza-verse.html

 

It wasn’t the first time Yuri woke up feeling like going back to sleep right away.

Not that he was one to wake up in a bad mood, on the contrary; he was quite the morning person, and he always tried to be cheerful to deal with the lack of sleep. He always tried, and punctually something came to mess with his cheerfulness, real or not.

That morning, as usual, he had gotten up before Yuya.

Even if he had wanted to sleep some more, he knew that the yakuza liked to find his coffee and breakfast ready when he woke up, and it was one of those things which had slowly become part of Yuri’s routine to even think about rolling up in bed and rest for ten more minutes.

At times he was surprised at how little had changed.

Since Yuya had told him he loved him, since he had stopped being more or less his whore, he had expected things to take a whole other direction.

Because he _could_ go back to sleep, he could not make him breakfast, he could let him make his own coffee and all that was going to happen was having to stand the elder’s complaints.

He did it just because he liked to.

He put the coffee-maker on and the rice in the cooker, and he was about to start preparing the tamagoyaki when Yuya entered the kitchen.

“Morning.” he muttered, frowning, getting close to him to kiss him and then going to collapse on one of the living room’s chairs.

“Breakfast, Yu!” he whined, turning the TV on looking for something to watch.

The younger snorted and moved faster.

He poured a cup of coffee as soon as it was ready, bringing it to the other room and putting it down on the table in front of him.

“You got up earlier this morning. How come?” he asked, curious.

The yakuza shrugged, averting his eyes from the screen and looking at him.

“I _always_ wake up when you get out of bed, Yuri. This morning the heat was just too much to stay there.” he explained, grabbing his hip and pulling him closer, pressing a deeper kiss on his lips. “Good morning.” he repeated, smiling to him.

Chinen blushed instinctively, kissing him back and then pulling up, trying to look dignified.

“Good morning.” he mumbled, going back to the kitchen to finish preparing the breakfast.

When he brought that to him he sat on the other chair, smiling when the elder seemed to gain back his strength at the mere sight of food.

He shook his head, and started eating.

“What are your plans for the day?” the elder asked him, his mouth full.

Yuri shrugged, thinking about it.

“Nothing in particular. I went grocery shopping yesterday and I don’t have to study, so… I think I plan on staying home and get bored.” he replied, staring at Yuya full of expectation.

If he had asked, he was hoping he had some alternative to suggest.

“I don’t have to work, today Kota’s got to deal with the books and I don’t want anything to do with it.” he said, grimacing. “We could do something together.” he added, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Yuri jumped on the chair, crossing his legs and leaning toward him.

“We could go out of town. We could have lunch out or...” he smiled. “We could go to Chiba, since the weather’s so good and it’s hot as hell. There’s that restaurant you like so much, isn’t there, Yuya?” he asked, sounding way too excited about the idea of spending the day together.

He saw him smile for a split second, before going back looking nonchalant.

“Yes, it’s not a bad idea. It should be fun, take advantage of the weather and go to the beach.” he allowed, shrugging. He ate another bite of rice, then he raised his eyes on him again, grabbing his arm and pulling on it until he was sitting on his legs. “We could also spend the night. How about that?” he murmured in his ear, brushing his hand over his hip, down the t-shirt.

Yuri smiled, moaning softly as the yakuza’s fingers ventured upper.

“Fine. But I don’t want some sordid love hotel. I want the real deal, Yuuyan.” he warned him, arching an eyebrow.

The elder raised his arms, surrendering.

“Okay, okay. Don’t be so refined, I don’t see where’s the difference in what we do at a love hotel and what we...”

“Yuya!” Yuri scolded him, leaning over to kiss his lips. “Indulge me for once.” he whispered, pressing further into the yakuza’s body.

Yuya wrapped his arms around his waist, nodding.

“As if I never indulged you.” he muttered, but Chinen pretended he hadn't heard to avoid any further discussion.

He moved his leg to straddle him, then he brought his hands around his neck, leaning back toward him to kiss him.

“It’s been a while since we’ve last done something together.” he said then, smiling.

Yuya looked at him absorbed, his hands on his thighs and caressing up.

“Really? Hadn't noticed that.” he replied, shaking his head and kissing his neck, softly biting on it, taking off his t-shirt and attacking his chest with his mouth.

Yuri closed his eyes, leaning with his back against the table’s edge, brushing his fingers through Yuya’s hair, holding him tight and pushing him against himself, moaning softly whenever the elder attacked a particularly sensitive spot.

They were both so intent that it took them a few seconds before realizing that Takaki’s phone was ringing.

The yakuza raised his head, annoyed, and Chinen groaned.

“Ignore it.” he begged him, trying to get his attention back on him, in vain.

The other man smiled, shaking his head.

“It could be Kota. It’ll take me a moment.” he reassured him, picking up.

Yuri looked bothered when he realized it was Kei.

He arched an eyebrow hearing Yuya change the tone of his voice entirely. He always did it, after all, when he spoke with Inoo.

It was kinder than he had ever been with Yuri, as if he took great care into not upset him, a care that Yuri couldn’t remember to have ever experienced first-hand.

Yuya stood up and went into the kitchen, talking for a few minutes before coming back to the living room; when he hung up he looked guiltily at him, and Yuri understood he wasn’t going to like it.

“Who was it?” he asked with a smile, pretending he didn’t know that already.

“Kei.” Yuya replied, cautious. “He was telling me that since Kota is going to be out the whole day he’s bored and he doesn’t know what to do.” he explained, waiting for a reaction from Chinen.

But the younger didn’t give him any help whatsoever, and just crossed his arms, waiting.

“So? Can't he watch dramas as he usually does?” he asked, trying his best not to let his voice result too annoyed.

He wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

“But you know Yuri, it’s summer and there’s mostly reruns. And their place it’s really hot, so he was wondering if... well, if I wanted to go out and do something.” he said, nervously scratching his neck. “We could bring him along, what do you think?” he suggested.

Yuri would've been amused, seeing him struggle like that, hadn't they been in this specific situation.

“Fine, whatever. It’s not like his presence changes anything, right?” he said, then he rushed out of the room. “I’ll go get changed.” he murmured, slamming the bathroom door behind himself.

He stared at himself in the mirror, looking almost disgusted.

What was so wrong with him that led Yuya to act like that?

He was tired of having to fight against him, he was tired of trying and make everything perfect, when the elder always found brand new ways to hurt him.

He was tired of looking for a solution that wasn’t there.

He quickly washed up his face and brushed his teeth, still thinking about Kei and Yuya, about peculiar their relationship was, how much he hated it.

When he got out he saw the yakuza trying to make sense of what he should've brought along, and he went to the rescue.

Yuya backed off, surrendering to the fact he was completely incapable of preparing a bag for a beach trip, and he preferred to look at Yuri, who didn’t seem to encounter any trouble to do it.

As soon as he was done the elder went behind him, grabbing his hips and leaning down to kiss his neck.

“I’d be really lost without you taking care of all these useless things.” he said, chuckling; and Yuri would've laughed with him, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

“I don’t think I’ll come.” he said, almost without thinking about it, handing him the bag and heading back to the kitchen.

“What... what do you mean you don’t think you’ll come? Until ten minutes ago you said it was okay and that you had no plans for today!” he complained, following him and grabbing his wrist, forcing him to turn around.

Yuri instinctively protected himself from that hold, pulling his arm away. He didn’t dare look at Yuya, sure of the hurt look that was going to be on his face.

“Well, school is going to start soon, and I forgot I had promised a few classmates I was going to meet them to study English, since I don’t really excel at that.” he lied, trying to at least sound credible.

“Then postpone it! You said it yourself, it’s been a while since we’ve last done something together, I don’t see why...”

“It doesn’t matter. It’ll be for another time.” the younger interrupted him, shrugging. “Go with Kei. At least the two of you don’t have to stay home and be bored.” he murmured, his eyes low on the floor.

Yuya hesitated for a moment, but then he nodded.

“Fine. Then... see you later tonight?” he asked, sounding incredibly irritated.

Yuri nodded his head yes and didn’t say anything else, then he stayed still in the living room while the elder got out the room, giving a quick kiss to his lips.

When he heard the front door close he cursed out loud, hitting the table.

He knew his good mood wasn’t going to last.

 

~

 

If Yuri had hoped that during the day Yuya was going to realize there was a problem, he got completely disappointed.

When the yakuza got back home, he was particularly cheerful.

“Cook something, I'm starving.” he said as soon as he walked home, after having greeted him with a quick kiss. “Ah, I really had fun, Yuri. I really needed a break from Tokyo, I haven’t felt so relaxed in weeks. Weather was really nice, Kei got sunburnt.” he added then, taking his t-shirt and pants off and abandoning them on the floor for the younger to bring them to the laundry room.

“I'm glad you relaxed.” Chinen hissed, picking his things up and going to toss them inside the washing machine.

“I just think I spent a fortune in ice cream. Kei should really tone it down, he really eats too much of it.” the elder kept saying, unaware of the voice Yuri had used. “I’ll go shower.” he informed him then, closing the bathroom door behind himself.

Chinen brushed his hands through his hair, snorting and going back to the kitchen to finish making dinner.

He put the yakisoba down on the table the moment Takaki got out of the bathroom, rushing to join him.

“I was really looking forward to it. I didn’t even have a proper lunch, I could pass out for how hungry I am.” he said, keeping his voice cheerful despite the complaint. “How was your day? Did you get any work done?” he asked then, starting to eat.

Yuri arched an eyebrow, toying with the noodles in his plate, lacking any appetite.

“No. In the end we couldn’t meet, so we’ve decided to do that another day.” he murmured, shrugging.

Takaki raised his eyes, confused.

“Why didn’t you come then? You could've taken the train.” he said, stretching an arm out to pull him closer, but Yuri got away.

“Didn’t feel like it. And anyway, I thought that you and Kei were having fun and I really didn’t feel like going to the beach. I was going to ruin your day. Well, to tell the truth...” he grabbed his plate, sighing. “I'm not even particularly hungry. I think I’ll go to bed, alright?” he said, getting up in a rush and abandoning the yakisoba on the counter, then he headed to the bedroom.

He hadn't given Yuya time to reply, but the elder seemed to be so confused by his behaviour that mustn’t have had much to say in the first place.

Yuri his underneath the covers, tightening his hands against the pillow and trying his best to keep himself in check.

He had too much to hold, too many things he had never liked, too many details of his life that still made him unhappy, and he wondered if it was ever going to be over.

Yuya kept changing, to prove how he felt, but Yuri couldn’t settle for that, he couldn’t settle for what he had.

He didn’t blame the yakuza for his adolescent whims, rather he hated himself because he wasn’t capable of overlook stuff like that.

He didn’t know how long it had been since he had left Yuya in the living room, but it couldn’t have been much.

He heard the door open slowly, and then the elder sat next to him on the mattress, slowly caressing his hip over the sheets.

“Are you feeling ill, Yu? Is... is there something I can do?” he asked, cautious.

Chinen shook his head, once again wiggling away from his touch.

“I'm fine, Yuya. I'm just not hungry, that’s all.” he said, closing his eyes and hoping the elder was going to leave him alone with his thoughts.

He wasn’t so lucky.

Takaki laid down behind him, still touching him, ignoring the fact that the younger seemed to want to avoid that.

He started kissing the back of his neck while he made room for himself with him under the covers, starting to caress under his t-shirt, tracing his ribs with his fingertips and up to his collarbone, sighing blissfully in his ear.

“You know, all of a sudden I'm not so hungry anymore either...” he murmured. “For food, at least.” he added, allusive.

He pushed his hips against him, making him feel his cock against his back, and Yuri felt weird, as if it wasn’t normal, as if there was something wrong with the whole situation.

He turned around, pulling away from him.

“I don’t feel like it, Yuya. Really, I... I don’t.” he mumbled, feeling on the verge of a panic attack because he didn’t know how to explain himself, because he knew he wasn’t going to be able to avoid crying much longer now.

“Yuri, can you tell me what the hell’s wrong with you?” Yuya asked then, sitting up and pulling on his arm for him to do the same, harsh, most likely annoyed by his rejection. “This morning you looked all happy to do something together, then you wanted out saying you had a previous engagement you didn’t actually have. Then you didn’t eat and you’ve holed yourself up here, now you’re refusing to let me touch you. Really, I don’t understand why you have so much fun playing it hard.” he yelled, letting go of his arm and grabbing the packet of cigarettes from the nightstand, lighting one up and taking a deep hit, hoping to cool off.

Yuri was crying, by now. There was nothing he could do to stop, no matter how hard he wished he could.

He didn’t cry before, when Yuya used him like a toy.

He didn’t cry when he felt like an object, he didn’t cry when Takaki found always new ways of humiliating him.

He hated that he was crying, he hated being unable to feel at ease in that relationship, because he hated the thought of Yuya with Kei and he despised that tenderness that he didn’t know, that had never been wasted on him.

He curled up against the covers, trying to muffle his sobs against the pillow, not wanting to annoy Yuya more than he already was.

Why couldn’t he just leave him be until it was going to pass on its own?

“Yuri, why are you crying?” he heard him ask, his voice calmer but apparently frustrated for his reaction.

“Because I'm tired, Yuya!” he said out loud, sitting up again and looking straight into his eyes. “Because since you’ve made up with Kei you’re a whole other person, because whenever he calls you’re there, ready to fulfil his wishes. Because you treat him differently than you treat me, because you’re almost _sweet_ with him, and I can only dream that!” he threw in his face all of the things which didn’t sit right with him, and he felt better by doing so, while tears slowly turned into rage. “I'm tired of being just an outlet for your problems, and I'm tired of you pouring on me every little thing you don’t like while I have to shut up and take it. You know what? If this is how it has to be, you can go tell Kei you love him, and stop wasting even that on me!”

He breathed in deeply, quickly drying up his eyes.

Yuya looked at him with his eyes wide open, the cigarettes consuming itself in his hand.

“Yuri...” he murmured, then he took a deep breath, crushing the fag end in the ashtray and kneeling on the mattress in front of him, taking his hands. “Yuri, I feel absolutely nothing for Kei. It never even crossed my mind, it’s just absurd.” he sighed, brushing a hand over his face. “I act like this with Kei because he would never be okay with what I truly am. And because I care for him, but not enough to try and let him accept me. The only person who truly sees me is you, Yuri, and believe me when I say not a day goes by without me thanking the fact that you’re still here with me and that you can accept whatever I do, despite...” he paused, sighing. “I'm sorry I can't prove it to you like I would like to, and I'm sorry if I always use you as an outlet for anything that goes wrong, but you’re all I have. And you’re the only one I could possibly love, Yuri. There’s no questioning that.” he  said, and the younger saw how much it was weighing on him to speak like that, but he chose to disregard it.

He slowly leant toward him, wrapping his arms around his waist, leaning his head against his chest and sighing.

Yuya smiled, hugging him back, happy to finally see him like that.

“You think I'm stupid, don’t you?” Yuri murmured, letting the elder caress him, relishing his touch.

“No.” Yuya replied, then he chuckled. “I think you’re jealous. And it strikes my ego.” he mocked him a little; Yuri didn’t react, sure he deserved at least that.

Takaki let him lay down under the covers again, pulling him closer, sure that he wasn’t going to reject him now.

“I missed you today, you know? It’s always funnier when you’re there. Kei it’s a nuisance, you know that.” he said, making Chinen laugh.

“I'm sorry I didn’t come, then. Next time we’re both going to be free will you take me to the beach? Just me and you?” he asked, closing his eyes and brushing his face against his chest.

“Just me and you.” Yuya confirmed in a whisper.

Yuri felt better, way so.

There were still many things, too may, that had to be chiselled out of their relationship, but he wasn’t going to despair.

What Yuya had said was true after all, there was no one else with whom he could be himself, because Yuri had the prerogative of understanding and accepting him, and it was something which came with its positive sides and its responsibilities.

And he was going to take everything of those responsibilities, because he loved him and to feel loved.

Everything else they were going to fix together, somehow.

 


End file.
